So i've been gaining weight increasingly for the past 6-7 years, excluding the time period in 2006 where i lost 30 pounds. I was really encouraged in 2006 from the death of my grandpa, i wanted to lose the weight for him, mostly. I think really wanting to be fit and lose weight never worked out before because it was not something i really wanted. I never wanted to really work hard, and do the work it took to lose weight and work hard and be successful at it.
I probably had been trying to figure out some sort of diet since i was 14 or 15, because my mom wanted me to, or my dad wanted me to, or i was needed to lose weight while i was swimming competitively. It's been too long. And i'd been emotionally eating, and sneaking food around the house, and trying to hide it from other people, since 3rd or 4th grade. That is really too long to dealing with this. I know that sometimes it can be a lifetime battle, and i'm sure it probably will be- but i would really love to get it under control. I would love to develop some good ways to cope with my emotions, instead of stuffing my face with food.
I really think that it took my best friend telling me she was concerned about me, my health, my life, and that she did not want me to die young because of my weight. It took me that realization that i was at the bottom and the only way i could go was up. It took me feeling like i ran into a brick wall going 100 mph, to actually do something different and really change my life, my eating habits, my sedentary lifestyle. It really has to be different, must be different, and will be different this time.
I know that we will gain weight and lose weight at times, but never ever ever will i be as big as i was this time. I won't let it happen, i just won't.
I think that getting out of Louisiana, and moving to Texas where there are more things to do to be active, most things to do outside, and and everything isn't centered around activities involved with the sweet southern cooking that is South Louisiana. I think having this push of moving to a new city, with a new start, with meeting new people, making new friends, and having new opportunities is exactly what i need to really change me, for the better.
I love myself, i know that for sure. But i am so sick and tired of being the emotional eater, i'm so tired of being FAT. I can't wait until the day when i'll be okay with taking full-length pictures, and not just the face pictures.
enough for now, see you on the other side.