i am whack.

So i definitely inherited one of my dad and grandfather's traits. I am a very hard-headed, stubborn, and often jealous people that i know....

I am quite explosive today. I wish i had something to punch.

ha. So much for being a lady today!

me vs. them

So yesterday we took our final for Anatomy and Physiology. Boy am i glad i'm finished with that. I made an 86, the day before i wasn't sure i was going to do that well. Thanks to Christian and Heather's help i finally understand Neuro which is a wonderful thing. So we wanted to celebrate, i'd be totally fine with just having a drink or two, with my high alcohol tolerance and have lots of fun. The girls decided to proceed to a few more drinks, lacking my high alcohol tolerance, they were inebriated quite quickly. At first, they were funny. But then the obxiousness kicked in, and i wanted to kick my friends out of my car, drive off, and leave them stranded on the side of the road. whoaaaa now. That certainly is not my style. Hahaha. It would have been funny but not cool.

I realized last night that i am quite different from most people. My views, reasoning, ideas, morals, are completely different than most people. I know i have high expectations for relationsips and friendships and i'm okay with that. I'm this way for a reason, and that's totally fine by me. I wouldn't change it for a reason, well for most things at least.

where has the time gone?

Wow. So i have not written in a month. I started LPN school 4 weeks ago, and i absolutely love it. I know for sure that God has called me to be a nurse in some fashion, and i love it. I love the people in my class, well most of them, ha. Studying was difficult at first, but i think i'm getting the hang of it.

I know for one thing, that my prayer life has been lacking. I am just so tired at the end of the day, I fall asleep praying and don't get to it. I had been looking forward to going to FSCC's discernment retreat in November. For a chance to get away, and really pray and discernment; but it looks like i won't be going. Silly school is giving us off for veterans day which is that wednesday, and we have to make up class on the friday when i was going to fly out. And there was problems with getting my money back on the flight, so i'm just going to postpone my flight and try and go for the discernment retreat in February.

I didn't want to by myself, but i think i need to. I need to get over my fear of commitment.

Or maybe i'll just take it one step at a time.

God is guiding my path that is for sure, i wish i knew where God was leading me to!

Honduras!

Urgent Prayer request:

Violence feared in Tegucigalpa today

Please pray and sacrifice with me for the people of Honduras today (Monday). Mass demonstrations are expected in the capital city and throughout the country, and Zelaya has been inciting his followers to riot.

(Check the blog for a more detailed update.)

Our Lady Help of Christians, pray for us!

http://witnessinghope.wordpress.com/

Zelaya has asked his supporters to take to the streets today (Monday) in what he says will be “peaceful” marches to commemorate the three-month anniversary of his removal from power. Since the zelayistas have proven themselves to be anything but peaceful, the Honduran government has issued a decree that temporarily limits certain civil liberties: unauthorized public gatherings have been outlawed, police have been given permission to make arrests without a warrant, and the pro-Zelaya television channel has been temporarily taken off the air.

Sounds to me like they’re doing what they can to keep the peace – but once again, the media have twisted the facts and focused all of their attention on the fact that Interim President Micheletti has issued a decree that infringes upon the essential civil rights of Honduran citizens.

Please pray with me… that God would spare the innocent people of Honduras and strengthen their faith, that He would give her leaders wisdom in these trying times, that He would convert the hearts of those who would resort to violence and forgive the sins of those who have turned away from Him.

“Arise, O Lord; O God, lift up your hand; forget not the poor! … O Lord, You will hear the desire of the meek; You will strengthen their heart, You will incline your ear to do justice…” (Psalm 10:12, 17-18)

discernment retreat

So i have signed up to a discernment retreat in November with the Franciscan Sisters of Christian Charity at their motherhouse in Manitowoc, Wisconsin. I am quite excited to see where God is calling and leading me.

I know that He is doing great things in my life, and in the lives of those around me.

I am quite excited about being in Wisconsin in November, it will be COLDDDDD. There might possibly be snow which i am excited about.

I have concerns about telling the people in my life who are not religious about my discerning religious life. Any advice / suggestions would be appreciated!

answering the call.

God is calling me to serve Him. I MUSt answer His call without hesitation.
I am in the process of finding a spiritual director, and i'm excited about that.

God willing i will be going on a discernment retreat with Franciscan Sisters of Christian Charity in November. I loveeee this order and i have no even met any of the sisters yet. I know that i am called to Franciscan orders. I have a simple mind set and a simple way of serving God.

I just want to give glory back to God in whatever way possible.
I still have concerns about telling my family and those who will not understand about my discernment to religious life. Any advice on telling others?

Wedding Dress

Just a thought ... but Lindsey and I were talking about Sister Fatima and Sister Nina's perpetual profession of vows.

It was their own wedding to their lover, JESUS and the CHURCH! SO beautiful.

We decided that if God will's it, we will be wearing our wedding dress every day :)

Perpetual Profession

This morning was the Perpetual Profession of Sister Nina Vincent and Sister Fatima Aphiri, Sisters of Our Lady of Sorrows. This was one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen.

I am thankful for the Sisters and their Yes to God's call.
I felt a peace and joy during these 2 hours of the Mass and Celebration. I feel such peace knowing that this is EXACTLY where God is calling me to be.

I am very excited about my visit to the Franciscan Sisters of Christian Charity. I love their Charism, and order. Such beautiful, holy women. I have not even visited the order, but only from speaking with 1 of the sisters know that this is a beautiful and holy place.

I am at peace with my discernment, and am not so totally frieghtened or scared by it. I am thankful to the Holy Spirit and The Blessed Mother me for assisting me and guiding me on my journey.

Why we wear the veil.

Why Wear the Veil?

In ancient traditions dating back even thousands of years, the "veil" represented purity and modesty in many religions and cultures. A veil, or head covering, is both a symbol and a mystical sacrifice that invites the woman wearing it to ascend the ladder of sanctity.

When a woman covers her head in the Catholic Church it symbolises her dignity and humility before God, not men. It is no surprise women of today have so easily abandoned the tradition of the chapel veil (head covering) when the two greatest meanings of the veil are purity and humility.

The woman who covers her head in the presence of the Lord Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament is reminding herself that she must be humble before God. As with all outward gestures, if it is practised enough it filters down into the heart and is translated into actions that speak volumes. The "veil" covers what the Lord calls, in Holy Scripture, "the glory of the woman", her hair. Covering her hair is a gesture the woman makes spiritually to "show" God she recognises her beauty is less than His and His Glory is far above hers.

In doing this she is reminded that virtues cannot grow in the soul without a great measure of humility. So she wears the veil to please God and remind herself to practice virtue more ardently.

There is no other piece of clothing a woman may wear to serve this function. The veil symbolically motivates the woman to "bow" her head in prayer, to lower her eyes before the great and mysterious beauty and power of God in the Blessed Sacrament. By the bowing of her head and lowering of her eyes, she is more able to worship God in the interior chapel of her heart and soul.

The veil or head covering a woman wears gives a beautiful sense of dignity to a woman. When she wears it, she identifies herself with God's greatest creation, the Blessed and Immaculate Virgin Mary, Mother of God. There was none on earth that loved and loves the Lord Jesus more than the Blessed Virgin Mary. In her love, her humility breathed forth like sweet scented incense before God. The veil she wore symbolised her purity, modesty and of course her profound humility and submission before and to God Almighty.

Those women who love Jesus must come to realise the imitation of His Mother in wearing a chapel veil (head covering) and in other virtues is a small sacrifice to make in order to grow in spiritual understanding of purity, humility and love.

The covering of a woman's head in Church is a striking reminder of modesty, something old but lost in the society of today. Modesty and purity walk hand in hand.

When a woman veils her head she is shielding her heart to be wooed by the love of God in the Blessed Sacrament. This is a mystical 'country' that only the Eternal Father may enter. Her veil is like the lighted lamps of the virgins waiting for the Bridegroom, an indication that she is prepared to receive Him at a moment's notice; an aureole of her spiritual love for the Bridegroom. Wearing the veil is an act of love of God.

Why should a woman wear a head covering or veil in church? Not to be praised, not to go along, not for tradition's sake, not to stand out in the crowd, not because you say or I say or anybody says…But because she loves our Eucharistic Lord Jesus and it is another small sacrifice she may offer for her soul's sake and for the sake of many souls who have no one to offer for them. Amen.

(Sr Patricia Therese, OPB)

Very thought and prayer provoking!

at peace

So i went to Confession yesterday, such an amazing feeling of grace. I love that feeling.

I am so filled with joy and peace and grace. The glory and love of the Lord is amazing!

So i hungout with my good friends tim and sarah last night, who have been dating about a week. they're so cute. but normally in the past i get jealous of couples and get upset. but last night i was really okay, and not jealous. i am finally at peace with my decision to discern.

I am not sure what God has planned, but i know it will be great!

questionable.

So as i continue the discerning process. I have doubts about joining. I am confused with what i have always wanted, and what i think that God wants from me.

I have thought about how i will tell the people in my life, i.e. my family, that will not understand the idea of me discerning religious life. But i have decided that it doesn't matter what they think or what they want for my life. I know that following God's will is the best decision i can make. I know that i must do what God wants for me, and nothing else or nothing less.

People are often unreasonable,illogical,and self centered;forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish,ulterior motives;..be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness,they may be jealous;..be HAPPY anyway.
The good you do today,people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough: give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;..it was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Theresa

what's up?

My heart just wants an answer. I feel called to certain aspects of marriage, religious life, and the single life. I just want to know what God wants of me.

I just have to keep discerning God's will for my life.

I am so confused by life and what it throws at me.

One moment i feel confirmed in discerning my vocation to religious life, the next moment i feel that God is not calling me there. AHHHHHHH! I just want a freaking lightning bolt from God to hit me on the head.

I am scared to commit myself wholely and completely to religious life. I have never imagined myself being a sister since before this past year. I know i have to think about it and pray about it or i'll never know if God is calling me there.

I suppose to need to discern God's calling me there wholeheartedly and not being wishy-washy about it. I am nervous and scared that God is really calling me to religious life. I would be required to give up my life and submit to God's will. My whole life i've wanted to be loved by a guy, and be swept off my feet. Maybe the whole time God has wanted to sweep me off of my feet Himself??

Must continue to pray and asking for the grace and courage to surrender.

keep on.

Quick thought:

We rely on God alone to get us where we need to go according to His Will.

We must continually asked The Blessed Mother to help us in our pursuit of God's will and in our pursuit of holiness.

We need to seek God's presence in the Sacraments and receieve them often.

Keep praying, keep praying.

But maybe i should listen to my own advice?

discernment.

Short and sweet.

So i'm discerning religious life again. I thought a knew what God wanted. He likes to throw curveballs my way.

Please pray for me.

Please pray for peace in Honduras!

Emily Byers is one of my best friends, and she has given up her opportunity to leave Honduras and return to the safety of our land for the sake of continuing God's work with the people to whom she was sent. My friends often surprise me, by their actions and boldness. Emily has inspired me. She writes:

Dear Friends,

I realize that the current political instability in Honduras may not seem like a big deal, and maybe to the rest of the world, it isn't a big deal - but what happens over this weekend will determine the fate of this small country, and more specifically, the fate of the Church in this country, and the fate of our mission here in Comayagua.

Over the past ten months, I've put down roots here, which is why when I was faced this week with the choice of whether to stay or to go (back to the States), I chose to stay. I'm writing to ask all of you to please, please pray for the mission here in Comayagua, especially over the next couple of days.

I cannot emphasize enough the great need for prayer in this difficult situation. If Hugo Chavez makes good on his threats to the Honduran government, his actions in the coming days (and the subsequent reactions of the Honduran people) could be disastrous. If you can commit to being a prayer warrior for us until this conflict is resolved, please leave a comment on my latest blog post with your prayers, sacrifices and words of encouragement. Whether it's a single prayer, a Mass or a Rosary - we would be so grateful. (As a community, we will be praying a novena to Our Lady Help of Christians - posted on our Community Blog - starting tomorrow.) If I am able, I will share your comments with the rest of the missionaries. It helps to know that we’re not in this alone!

If you still don't have any idea what's been happening down here, I've tried to summarize the events of the past week on my blog. Please stay close in prayer - I will post updates when I can!

In Jesus and Mary,
Emily Byers

marriage.

So 2 of my best friends were married yesterday. Jen and Logan. The wedding was so beautiful and joyous and pure. They have waited and abstained their life thus far. It was such a beautiful thing to bring to their marriage. It brings such peace and comfort in giving their lives to each other. I am so proud of you, and am honored by their commitment.

I can not wait until God reveals his plans for my life, whatever that might be.

Daughters of Divine Providence :)

So today was my visit with the Daughters of Divine Providence.

Their convent is so beautiful. I felt so at peace and calm being there, also it is just right down the road from The Abbey. Which is another great thing :)

Sister Barbara and Sister Bernadette are amazing women. I learned alot from them today and about myself. I have alot of growing and learning left to do.

I know that God will make things happen in stages, and not all at once. I feel sooooooo much calmer about my discernment now.

I feel about peace about telling my dad about my discernment and my decision to enter the convent when the time will come. I know that this is something i am called to do, and am going to do it to the best of my ability.

I love learning about Catholicism and different orders. It is all so beautiful to me.

I would love to fall more in love with The Church.

I am at peace with my decision of discernment.

Even though lately i find myself more boy crazy than ever.

Why God? Why? Ahhhhh!!!!

peace to you.

Love and prayers always.

Easter :)

Alleluia! He is Risen!

Christ has conquered death through God! God has prevealed over sin and death.

We thank him today for our life and our life, we must hope and pray that we too will live with Him in glory one day!

Today is not about presents, chocolates, Easter Bunny. Today is all about God and His prevealing over death.

God has blessed me with peace today. I am at peace with my decision to discern my vocation. I feel called to religious life, but that may not be where God is calling me.

I have hope that God will lead me in the right direction.

I look to the saints and their lives for inspiration - St. John of the Cross, St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, St. Alphonsus Liguori, St. Catherine of Siena, St. Maximillian Kolbe, St. Teresa of Avila, St. Therese of Lisieux, John Paul II the Great - pray for us!

life and its choices.

I need to make my choices based on my soul and my desire and drive to get to Heaven at some point.

I want to pursue God and discern my vocation, no matter what that may be.

I am open to life as a married woman, a single woman, or a religious woman.

I'm tired of making my decisions based on what others say.

I'm aggrevated at this world, for making me feel pressured in choosing my vocation, and what i'm going to do.

I just want to be me completely in Love with God, whoever she may be.

I am intensely finding out who she is each day.

I love the people that God has put into my life so much, if they only knew it.

I want to pursue my passions in life, i want to live my life as God wants me to live.

I'm plum tired of the pressures of this world.

Sure my weight may keep me from not being able to do some of the things that i want to.

God, if you want me to lose weight, HELP ME PLEASE!!

If i'm meant to be the overweight girl, then so be it.

But if not, please help me!!!

I can not do this alone.

I need support, I need friends who will hold me accountable. Help me Lord. I can not do this alone.

Peace and Love for now.

Peace and Joy is where it's at.

Like John Bowers said yesterday, "Satan can mimick peace, but only true peace and joy come from knowing and loving Jesus Christ."

:)

God is doing great works in me, i know that for sure.

God has great plans for my life, I am slowly beginning to realize this, and discern His plan for my life.

I am slowly beginning to discern my vocation in God's will.

Please pray for me, that i may be silent and still and hear God's voice through all of this chaos.

Please pray for my family that they would understand and support me, whatever my choice and God's will is.

Peace to you for now.

new year, new changes.

So the new year has begun, and as life would have it, i got sick on day 2. ha. shocking, right? i know i know. But I'm starting to feel better so yay. I'm ready to stick to my life style changes, and follow-up them through. I think i'm more likely to follow-up them through if i call them lifestyle changes, and not new years resolutions. New years resolutions seem to fail not ling into the new year.

God indeed has great things in store for me. I found out this week that i'm going to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends weddings next January! I am so excited for that. I want to finally get hold of my weight, and my health, and be the woman that God wants me to be.

I'm so tired of being slowed down, not being able to shop where i want, having the feeling always staring at me. I want to be who i am underneath the layers of hiding, the layers of emotional eating.

I'm so excited for the change to unravel and to take place.
I am already beautiful, and i'm going to be even more beautiful.

I'm going to finally have everything i ever wanted.

I am so thankful to my faithful reader, bella :)

until next time....