Tuesday, August 18, 2009

what's up?

My heart just wants an answer. I feel called to certain aspects of marriage, religious life, and the single life. I just want to know what God wants of me.

I just have to keep discerning God's will for my life.
I am so confused by life and what it throws at me.

One moment i feel confirmed in discerning my vocation to religious life, the next moment i feel that God is not calling me there. AHHHHHHH! I just want a freaking lightning bolt from God to hit me on the head.

I am scared to commit myself wholely and completely to religious life. I have never imagined myself being a sister since before this past year. I know i have to think about it and pray about it or i'll never know if God is calling me there.

I suppose to need to discern God's calling me there wholeheartedly and not being wishy-washy about it. I am nervous and scared that God is really calling me to religious life. I would be required to give up my life and submit to God's will. My whole life i've wanted to be loved by a guy, and be swept off my feet. Maybe the whole time God has wanted to sweep me off of my feet Himself??

Must continue to pray and asking for the grace and courage to surrender.

2 comments:

msmith said...

Oh sweetie, I know what you mean. It's so hard to know what's right. At times I feel wishy-washy about the whole thing to. Not so much since visiting the FSCC tho. I think maybe once you find the right order, the right guy, the right vocation in general things become less wishy-washy. My prayers are with you always.

Kara said...

You sound just like me a year ago. It's scary and vulnerable to give yourself to anything, but when it's the right person or if you are called to the religious life it will be very freeing when you make the decision. Know of my prayers for you.