valencrap....

so here i sit the day after Valentine's Day... damn i hate that superficial and media frenzied holiday. That freaking holiday makes all of us single and doubting people feel all the worse about ourselves. I mean i know i'm single and i get reminded of that ever single day, but do i need another day to make me feel more horrible about myself... i mean seriously?? So the last 6 weeks or so have been crazy. I sure as heck have been interesting to say the least. i had been sick until the end of Janruary. Leaving my new years resolutions in the dust, maybe someday i will get back to them. I feel that i will be a hopeless failure. I try to do great things but i only stumble along the way. I try to figure God's will for my life, but i have no idea what he wants. I am greatly clueless. I think He's calling me to the single life but i have no idea. NONE. I would like to be in a relationship with a guy some day. I think i would be great for that. Giving myself something to devote myself towards. I think committing myself to something that would be great for me :) But who knows if that's what I'm called to. I'm scared to discern my call to the single life. For i fear, that could be my life's calling and i'm terribly scared of that. I don't want to be single the rest of my life. I don't want to dread valentine's day forever. I want to enjoy valentines day someday. I dont want to spend valenetine's day with my parents, i didn't last night thats for sure. I want to be loved. That's all i really want in life is to be loved. Is that something too much to ask for? I want to live a passionate life filled with love, hopes, dreams, aspirations. I want to inspire my friends to lead great lives. I want to travel the world. I want to meet people all over the world. I want to live a life worth living.