Monday, February 11, 2008

emotional whirlwind....

From 12-31-2007

okay so i'm just getting back from seeing PS I LOVE YOU. okay wow that movie was amazing. i have not cried that much in a movie in a really long time... wow... still trying to process this. but i'm not stuffing my face right now... so that's a good thing. i realized two things in the movie. (1)- i miss papa red alotttt.... i know he's in Heaven looking down on me. but i miss him so much. damn it hurts. but i know that one day we will be together again. i just regret not getting to tell him goodbye while he was alive or getting to tell him that i loved him. i need to let go of that regret. i know i'm always going to miss him no matter what. and healing needs to happen everyday. (2) i realized that i might be single for the rest of my life. i see my friends that are dating/engaged/married and im so happy for them and the joy that's going on in their lives, but on the other hand i'm also so freaking depressed. i want that happiness in their lives, but i know that i'm never going to have that. I feel lately that, that is not God's plan for my life. I'm just going to have to accept that. I'm dealing with this and praying about this. But i really just needed to get this out. Off of my chest... i'm going to be a single old hag for the rest of my life like Wheeza in Steel Magnolias.

my thoughts.
my brain.
pick it apart.
love me or leave me.

No comments: