at peace

So i went to Confession yesterday, such an amazing feeling of grace. I love that feeling.

I am so filled with joy and peace and grace. The glory and love of the Lord is amazing!

So i hungout with my good friends tim and sarah last night, who have been dating about a week. they're so cute. but normally in the past i get jealous of couples and get upset. but last night i was really okay, and not jealous. i am finally at peace with my decision to discern.

I am not sure what God has planned, but i know it will be great!

questionable.

So as i continue the discerning process. I have doubts about joining. I am confused with what i have always wanted, and what i think that God wants from me.

I have thought about how i will tell the people in my life, i.e. my family, that will not understand the idea of me discerning religious life. But i have decided that it doesn't matter what they think or what they want for my life. I know that following God's will is the best decision i can make. I know that i must do what God wants for me, and nothing else or nothing less.

People are often unreasonable,illogical,and self centered;forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish,ulterior motives;..be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness,they may be jealous;..be HAPPY anyway.
The good you do today,people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough: give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;..it was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Theresa

what's up?

My heart just wants an answer. I feel called to certain aspects of marriage, religious life, and the single life. I just want to know what God wants of me.

I just have to keep discerning God's will for my life.

I am so confused by life and what it throws at me.

One moment i feel confirmed in discerning my vocation to religious life, the next moment i feel that God is not calling me there. AHHHHHHH! I just want a freaking lightning bolt from God to hit me on the head.

I am scared to commit myself wholely and completely to religious life. I have never imagined myself being a sister since before this past year. I know i have to think about it and pray about it or i'll never know if God is calling me there.

I suppose to need to discern God's calling me there wholeheartedly and not being wishy-washy about it. I am nervous and scared that God is really calling me to religious life. I would be required to give up my life and submit to God's will. My whole life i've wanted to be loved by a guy, and be swept off my feet. Maybe the whole time God has wanted to sweep me off of my feet Himself??

Must continue to pray and asking for the grace and courage to surrender.

keep on.

Quick thought:

We rely on God alone to get us where we need to go according to His Will.

We must continually asked The Blessed Mother to help us in our pursuit of God's will and in our pursuit of holiness.

We need to seek God's presence in the Sacraments and receieve them often.

Keep praying, keep praying.

But maybe i should listen to my own advice?

discernment.

Short and sweet.

So i'm discerning religious life again. I thought a knew what God wanted. He likes to throw curveballs my way.

Please pray for me.

Please pray for peace in Honduras!

Emily Byers is one of my best friends, and she has given up her opportunity to leave Honduras and return to the safety of our land for the sake of continuing God's work with the people to whom she was sent. My friends often surprise me, by their actions and boldness. Emily has inspired me. She writes:

Dear Friends,

I realize that the current political instability in Honduras may not seem like a big deal, and maybe to the rest of the world, it isn't a big deal - but what happens over this weekend will determine the fate of this small country, and more specifically, the fate of the Church in this country, and the fate of our mission here in Comayagua.

Over the past ten months, I've put down roots here, which is why when I was faced this week with the choice of whether to stay or to go (back to the States), I chose to stay. I'm writing to ask all of you to please, please pray for the mission here in Comayagua, especially over the next couple of days.

I cannot emphasize enough the great need for prayer in this difficult situation. If Hugo Chavez makes good on his threats to the Honduran government, his actions in the coming days (and the subsequent reactions of the Honduran people) could be disastrous. If you can commit to being a prayer warrior for us until this conflict is resolved, please leave a comment on my latest blog post with your prayers, sacrifices and words of encouragement. Whether it's a single prayer, a Mass or a Rosary - we would be so grateful. (As a community, we will be praying a novena to Our Lady Help of Christians - posted on our Community Blog - starting tomorrow.) If I am able, I will share your comments with the rest of the missionaries. It helps to know that we’re not in this alone!

If you still don't have any idea what's been happening down here, I've tried to summarize the events of the past week on my blog. Please stay close in prayer - I will post updates when I can!

In Jesus and Mary,
Emily Byers

marriage.

So 2 of my best friends were married yesterday. Jen and Logan. The wedding was so beautiful and joyous and pure. They have waited and abstained their life thus far. It was such a beautiful thing to bring to their marriage. It brings such peace and comfort in giving their lives to each other. I am so proud of you, and am honored by their commitment.

I can not wait until God reveals his plans for my life, whatever that might be.