Monday, September 1, 2008

post gustav...

so i'm kind of freaking out here. Gustav went over lafayette today, but i haven't heard from my dad today... ugggh trying not to freak out, i know that everything will be okay.... damn emotions.

i think i'm turning into a freaking introvert ... what the heckkk?? so i've been inside all damn day today. and i almost freaking exploded. like that never happened before. i like freaked out that i needed alone time so much. that never happened before. so luckily i took jess' dog for the mile or so lap around the lake at the madere's. It was windy, rainy, and wonderful. such what i needed :)

what is wrong with me and that i can't stand PDA at all? like being around my married and engaged friends this weekend has brought that to light so much. like seriously. it makes me angry that i can't handle that... i need to let the finding of my true love go and all will be okay. maybe i will be single for the rest of my life and that would be okay too. i know that i dont want to be lonely forever, but if that's what God wants for my life then so be it. I really want to have kids, but if that's not want God wants for me then so be it.... I just wish i knew what it is that God wants from me .....

I just have to keep on discerning :)

em's been going for 11 days. and it's been like a freaking emotional rollercoaster. i know that she is so happy with being in Honduras. It is definitely God's will for her. I miss her joy, her smile, her laughter, her love. I know that i have friends that are there for me but i miss her genuine and sincere love. She loves me with no limits and does not judge me at all for being messed up the way that i am. I miss that love. She holds me accountable. I badly need accountability in my life.

I need to look for sisters in Lafayette that will love me like she does and hold me accountable. I pray to Jesus that he will put friends in my life that will hold me accountable.

until next time,


mariposa said...

Hey! Just wanted to say I like reading your blog :)

Red Eyes of Fire said...

I don't think its fun riding the emotional rollercoaster, poor you! Nice blog.